The irrational blues

The truth is that all actors are pretty fragile—the very actors who ‘act’ tough are also prone to several simultaneous vexations of the spirit—daily.

Our lamentations are borne of insecurity: “I haven’t heard from my agent for weeks now! Am I crap?”; “Why didn’t they even look at my profile? I totally fit the character description!”; “I’ve put on weight; my jeans are tight…”; “Oh my word, look at my hair!”. (This happens to you no matter how butch you think you are.)

Then there are the insecurities that come from the business side of acting: “Okay, the play is over and I don’t have a thing lined up. Will I ever get work again?”; “I need a new headshot; I’m getting older…”; “Do I know enough accents to be really marketable?”; “Do I have a big enough web presence?”; “Does my showreel showcase my emotional range?”; “Do I have enough ‘big’ credits on my CV to get attention from top casting directors?”; “Did my native accent put them off?”, and the big one, “I’m doing too many roles like this. Am I typecast?”

It is really hard to keep your sense of self when all of this is going on in the quiet of your flat as you trawl the internet looking for work.

I find that it helps to step away from it all, go outside, watch people go by and realise that it isn’t all about me and my career and that life really does go on all around me—and will continue to go on after I am gone, in spite of me.

Buddhists recommend an ego-free life because you’re happier when you have no ego. I would go a step further, it keeps me sane. My advice to myself in times of insecurity is: drop the ego and believe in the order of things. After all, what’s for me won’t go by me.

“What’s for ye won’t go by ye.”  - Old Scottish Proverb